So...I have lost my best friend and the love of my life since the last time I posted. I don't know what happened with me and Rachel but she stopped talking to me right after my birthday and I have heard from other people that she is pregnant. I'm happy for her.

So, the story of my boyfriend. Well, now my ex-boyfriend. I thought we were happy and sometime in December he told me he had something to tell me. I got scared that he wanted to break up with me then but he only wanted to tell me that he was bi-sexual. I accepted it because I didn't mind it at all. I liked it, in fact. Something happened and we weren't able to talk as much as we used to. When I texted him at the beginning of the month (Feb), he started the break up talk...The "we've just grown apart" thing came out. Then he told me that he was gay. He broke my heart and I'm still healing.

A week after we broke up, I got a comment on one of my profiles from someone I didn't know. It was from his new boyfriend. I found out that he had already gotten a boyfriend from the new boyfriend. Did that hurt? Hell yeah. Its been about a month and sometimes I think about it and still cry. But I'm moving on and I'm going to be moving out. I'm hoping to be changing locations with in the next year. Maybe I will find someone new and better. Someone that will love me for being me and not because he is confused and doesn't know who he is.

location: home mood: blank tags: best friends, boyfriends, heartbreak, love

So, I have already failed at keeping a journal for everyday. But I'm going to keep trying.

Today is voting day!! And I voted for the first time ever!! That was a fun experience.
I get there. A woman asks for my last name then sends me to a line. It was the wrong line. So I go to the right line and wait for my turn. When I get to the front of the line, the first woman takes my photo ID and my voter's card and checks my name. She looked at my ID and my voter's card, then gave me my voter's card back. She asked me to verify my address after she found my name and I did. I think I got it right. But there was a note by my name and I think it had something to do with my ID.

The first woman sent me to another line. I waited in this line and when I got to the front the second woman took the note the first one gave me and my ID. She then looked me up on her computer and said she had nothing wrong with me. But she sent me to a third woman just to be sure. So I wanted for the third woman to be ready to help me out. After she finished the few people ahead of me, she took a look at my ID and then looked at her list. I wasn't there. So she went back to the first woman to talk and see what is wrong. The third woman came back and told me that the first woman didn't think that my picture looked like me! How bizarre is that? Have I really changed that much in one year?

I did get to vote after that so its all good.

So yeah...today is my birthday. I turned 22. I was hoping it would be a fun day but it turned out to be bad.

About a month or so ago, my so called best friend was going to take me out and we were going to party. Then a few weeks ago she bailed on me. I was counting on her to give me fun and I didn't get it.

So then I figured at least my family would hang with me on this day. No, my mom had to work and my sister went with her. So I spent all day alone with no one to hang out with me, no one to spend my day with.

Happy birthday to me.

Anyway, I'm going to try to write in my journal everyday for the month of November. I don't think I'll be doing the novel writing thing though.

location: Home mood: lonely music: Maria by Scooter

Why must my mom and I suffer so that my sister can have fun? Last night she left the house at six, leaving her son here without even warning my mom and I that she was leaving. The person she went out with, she is supposed to have nothing to do with him. This person is her hopefully soon to be ex-husband. He is an ass and I do not like the way he treats my sister now, let alone how he treated her before.

Sunday night, he all but called her a hoe and yet she still went over there. She pisses me off. She supposedly went there to watch the football game. I didn't even know she liked football! Mom and I watched Kenai, my nephew. About nine or ten, mom headed off to bed and took Kenai with her so that they both could get to sleep.

Amanda, my sister, finally came home about 12:30. She was drunk and sick. She came in and fell right asleep on the couch. Mom came out about 1:30am asking if she was home. I told her she was and what time she came home. Kenai must have woken up and mom has to be up early. Mom changed Kenai's diaper, then brought him out and tried to give him to Amanda. But Amanda didn't wake up so I took Kenai from mom so that she could go back to sleep.

Amanda eventually woke up after I laid Kenai on his mat while I went to make him a bottle but she didn't get up to take him. I finished his bottle and she went back to sleep. I got him quiet with the bottle but not to sleep. After putting him in his swing and setting it up, he fell asleep.

Amanda just pisses me off. Its different when mom doesn't have to be at work at five in the morning. Its also different when I'm a good babysitter. She has a child and should be here to take care of him at least on the weekdays so that mom doesn't have to worry about what time she is coming home and mom can get some sleep. It also pisses me off that she keeps going back to that dick of a husband. She can make up what ever excuse she wants to try to tell me that she won't go back to him, but she doesn't seem to stop. She made him jealous and that made her happy and even him calling her a hoe didn't stop her from seeing him.

I just needed to vent. I think I'm done now. I'm going to bed, I think.

location: living room mood: aggravated music: none

Club day is coming! Club day is coming! And I don't know what to wear...

Just thought I'd let you know!!

location: ROOM!! mood: chipper music: American Boy

Okie...so this week has been interesting...

Most of this week, my family has been scrambling to clean house since my aunt was coming to visit for a few days. I could care less if she came here, I don't like her. Never really have. So my fun days are the days when I have school. Okie, that was stretching it, maybe my fun time is only during lunch with Rachel. She is like my sex kitten. Just kidding!! She is my best friend and I have a lot of fun with her.

So we went to lunch on Wednesday but it wasn't as much fun as it was last week. Corny was still there though. Then on Thursday, we didn't change it up. We again went to Sonic. Rachel noticed before I did. Corny was wearing a tight work shirt and shorts. Guess he wanted to show us his muscles. She pointed him out to me, my silly self went "OOO baby." He skated up to us and was like "I was hoping you would come today." Wonder what he meant by that? I thought afterward that I should have asked which one of us he liked. Yeah, smart me didn't come up with that in time.

So, after we had finished eating, Rachel was doing something on her phone and instead of closing out of what she was doing to find out what time it was, she just asked Corny. After he told us and finished what he was doing, he skating up to our table and asked if we were leaving him already. Rachel said, and I quote, "No, you still have time to flirt with her."

OH MY GOSH!! So embarrassed that she did that to me. But it did not phase Corny at all. He went away for a bit to do something then came back to the table and looked right at me and said "So, do you want to exchange numbers or something?" I look back on that moment now and wonder what that "something" was. Well, he gave me his number and since I don't have one I couldn't give him mine.

There are so many things that I wish I had done that day.

So that was a fun day. You would expect that the weekend would bring more fun. No, it didn't. My aunt flew in from Minnesota and as I said before, I don't like her. She didn't exactly make me want to hug her tonight in welcome either. Every time she said something to me I wanted to hit her with something hard.

So, I have taken myself to my room to protect her and myself. She is only here until Monday and I think I can make it until then.

And to top it all off. My laptop is broken. Something is wrong with the motherboard and it won't be fixed until sometime next week. Damn, my life sucks.

location: My room mood: lonely music: Never Too Late - Three Days Grace

I don't know what is wrong with me today. I just don't feel like being here. I don't really feel like anything. I just don't know. This is one of those days that I wonder, "If I hadn't come in today, would anyone have wondered where I was? If I was alright?" I feel rather depressed but I don't think I really have a reason to be.

Last night, my so-called friend told me that I should get a real boyfriend and that it was possible to love someone you have never met. She said this because I told her how I love this guy, who is my net-boyfriend. I don't care how people feel about online relationships but I think this one will work. No. I know it will.Its only an online thing because he lives five hours away. I am hoping that when I move out of my parents' house, that around my winter break, my friend, Rachel, will ride with me to Georgia so I can meet/see him. We will, of course, have to plan ahead and save up money and such. But I think we would be able to do it.

location: AI mood: depressed music: I wish I had some... tags: depressed, online relationships, trips

I feel a little left in the times. I am sure that many people have read this series and more than likely finished it. But I cannot stop reading Death Note.

My boyfriend told me that I had to read Inuyasha and when I finish Inuyasha I had to read Death Note. Well, I haven't finished Inuyasha but I couldn't wait to start reading Death Note. I started reading it early Monday morning and I have been reading it off and on since. In fact, I am still reading it now.

I love it. I think it is just totally awesome. I think I will be sad when it ends. I am already on chapter 31. Because I'm reading it online I don't know what book I'm in.

Since I mentioned Inuyasha, I will say that I love that series too. I'm also reading it online and I'm on chapter 235. There are about 510 chapters of that one so I'm getting there.

location: In my bed! mood: happy music: Kid Rock

Well, last night I went to a club with my best friend, Rachel. We have so much fun when we are together.

This club, The Crazy Horse Saloon, has three clubs in it, The Crazy Horse, Club Liquid, and a dance club. The first time we went to the club, she went with her husband and I went with my boyfriend (at the time). We didn't have as much fun then because our guys continued to watch us. So last night, it was just her, me, my sister, and my sister's friend. Rachel and I got there a little after the club opened so there weren't that many people there.

We started in the dance club because it was the only on playing music we knew. Then we wandered over to Club Liquid and went to a table. We were sitting, listening to the music and kinda dancing in our seats. Eventually Rachel stood up and moved to the seat next to me because some guys sat at the table next to us and she didn't want to sit next to them. So instead of sitting she stood and started dancing.

Now, because of the Crazy Horse, there are cowboys in the club, not that I have anything against them, I love cowboys. Some cowboys had came into Club Liquid and stood in the doorway of Club Liquid and the dance club. Eventually someone came up behind Rachel and told her she had a nice ass. The guy was cute and he told us about how he wanted to come over and tell her that. Then he held my wrist and kinda pushed my arm over so he could look at my tattoo. He then told me about his two tattoos. I so wish I had gotten his name.

He eventually walked away from us and back into the Crazy Horse but we kept our eyes opened for him, or at least I did.

There were other guys that were watching Rachel though. We moved from the tables to the railing around the dance floor and Rachel was dancing to the music. Some guy was watching her and he was a bit short. When Rachel moved onto the dance floor, I stand on the railing and the guy moved so that he could see her better. I looked at him and told him to come dance with her. He did too and told me that if he danced with her I had to dance with his friend. I have no guts when it comes to talking to guys for myself but I can talk to them for someone else. On that note, I did not walk over there and ask the guy for a dance. So Rachel walked over there and I walked away.

When we went back to the Club Liquid dance floor, the club had picked up and there were more people dancing. That's about the time we found my sister. Her and her friend went on the dance floor while Rachel and me went to get a drink I think. At some point we made it back to dance floor and started dancing with my sister and her friend. Rachel had already dance with two guys, the short one and another we will just call Metro.

We came up with a system. If she didn't want to dance with some guy that came up behind her she would just dance with me. That was fun, one guy didn't care that she was dancing with me and just danced behind her. My sister danced with some old guy. Then after Amanda's (my sister) friend left, some other guy, younger, danced with her, for a while at that. He tried to get me to dance with her and we were like no we are sisters. So he pulled me behind him and I danced with his ass. lol

Rachel got this hott guy to dance with her, mostly because Amanda and I told him she wanted to dance with him. Yeah she loves us for that.

Anyway, there was a DJ on the stage and he was calling out for the ladies to go up there and dance. Being the crazy people that we are, Rachel and I went up there and danced. Amanda said she would have gone up there with us but the guy wouldn't let her go.

We danced until the club closed. While in the parking lot, Rachel's hott guy followed her to the car and convinced us to go to his place for a little while.

We followed him and his friend to their place. And was hanging out for a little while. The guy stole Rachel away to the garage, or the way it was set up, "The Game room". It was set up for the football games and such. So Amanda and I were alone in the living room watching TV with the guy's friend. And that guy was crazy weird.

After about three hours, the hott guy's friend fell asleep, and we were all in the garage. Amanda and I wanted to go home so we were trying to get Rachel to come on. About five or a little later we finally left. And on the way down the street, right after leaving the guy's drive way, Rachel hits a mailbox. That was hilarious!

Amanda and I eventually made it home and stayed up for a little while long. Amanda wanted to go to church this morning so she was going to stay up and i was going to try to stay up with her. I couldn't do it and soon went to bed.

EDIT:
I was told I was to talk more about the guys Rachel danced with so I will at her request.

The short guy she danced with, it was my fault she danced with him. Or actually that he danced with her. She hated me for that but I thought it was funny. I did eventually save her though. I had walked over to the Crazy Horse (country club) and they were playing the Cupid Shuffle and I love that song. I went back, grabbed her, and dragged her to the Crazy Horse with me. She didn't do the Cupid Shuffle with me but I rescued her.

And then there was Metro. Well, he was an interesting man. He was good looking until he started dancing. Rachel and I were dancing and she was playing eye tag with him. Eventually he walked over to us and started dancing behind Rachel. He was whispering in her ear. I later found out that he told her his name was Bruno (such a sexy name. I think I'll stick to calling him Metro) and that he wasn't from this country. Then he used the line of "Would you teach me English?" If that isn't the best line ever. When the song ended we made our escape.

Later, I think his "wing man" was trying to dance with us. Or her or something. He did come up behind her. He was the one that was dancing with her from behind and didn't care that she was dancing with me.

location: Home mood: tired music: WAPE 95.1 tags: annoying, club, dance, friends, fun, music

Lunch is always an adventure when I go with my friend, Rachel. She is so much fun! Yesterday we went to Sonic and we were just having fun. These two guys sat at the table behind us, or next to us depending on where your looking from, and were totally checking us out.

Then today, we again went to Sonic and they guy that worked yesterday was there. He was totally flirting with us. It was so much fun. His name is Cornileus (I think that's how you spell it) but Rachel is going to call him Corny. It seems that Sonic is going to be our dive on Wednesday and Thursday for lunch.

We met him yesterday when he got us to try one of his drink mixes. It wasn't bad but it wasn't good either. Then today he brought us our food and we were just chatting with him. I saw he had a tattoo on his chest and we talked about that. He was fun.

location: school mood: bouncy

I am against American Idol. At least for this season.

They came to my town for auditions and all my friends encouraged me to do it. So I went to the auditions. My mom came with me and we were waiting in line at four in the morning. I was looking tres cute and my hair was all done up in a braided up mohawk. While we were waiting for them to let us in the building, it started to rain. My mom had to go all the way back to the car to get the umbrellas. That was a lovely ten minutes.

They finally started to let us in probably about 6:30 or 7 in the morning. After it had been raining for a while. We get to the door and they are telling us that we can't take our food in. My mom is diabetic so she needs something in case her sugar goes down. We ended up tossing our Nilla Wafers but the girl let us slip in with a banana.

We find our seats on the other side of the arena and for the first two or three hours we did things for the show. Sang the group songs they wanted us to learn, screamed for the camera, yelled stupid sayings for the show. Totally special. Then Ryan Seacrest showed up. He is way shorter than I expected but he is still good looking. He cheered us on and then they did a few things for the show. He then when down into the locker room to do a radio show.

That is when the auditions finally start. You never see Simon, Paula, and Randy. You meet the producers of the show and they tell you if you move on to the next round or not. They set up 12 tables and at each table there were one or two producers. The took us section by section about five rows at a time and made us line up on the arena floor. They put us in groups of four and then sent us to a table. When the producer was ready for a row to start, they would motion for the first person to move to a mark and sing. No introduction nothing, they just wanted the song.

When my row got into line for a table I was incredibly nervous. When it was my turn it was almost as if my nerves disappeared. While I was sitting in the stands waiting for my turn, I would try to practice my song and would get distracted by the other singers and couldn't finish. But when it was my turn, I didn't hear anyone and I just sang to the producers. I looked them in the eye and I was feeling the song and I thought I did really well. But apparently they didn't think so. No one in my row made it through to the next round.

I was hurt. I didn't cry though. At least not until I got into the car to go home. But it has not stopped me from singing and I will try again next year. And I will make it.

location: in my room... mood: calm music: Katy Perry - Hot and Cold tags: american idol

It would appear I have been away for far to long. Alot has happened in the two years since I wrote last.

For starters, I wasn't in love with that guy I wrote about last. We dated for almost a year then I broke up with him. After that I was with a guy for about a week and he broke up with me. Broke my heart because I liked him for the longest time. I started going with this other guy and we were doing pretty good until it got harder to see him. Lack of money and rise in gas prices will do that to a couple. We broke up because the guy that broke my heart wanted to try again. That didn't work out and I went back to the third guy but we started to drift apart. We agreed to the break up though.

My sister got married to an asshole. He isn't worth the time. She got pregnant though, by a nice guy it seems, haven't met him. It wasn't her hubby but that is a good thing in my opinion. Now she is getting a divorce, at least I hope. She did have the baby on July 24, 2008. He is beautiful.

I graduated from ITT Technical Institute last year, in September. I now have CAD degree. I had started to continue school for Construction Management but after three weeks it was not for me. So I started school at the Art Institute. I love it here. I have made a bunch of awesome new friends and I'm happy.

One of my awesome new friends asked me if I would like to be her roommate. That will be awesome and she is helping me to get a job where she works at, which is the best place. Its so much fun. I can't wait to move and have a job again.

That's all for one post. I hope you come back for another exciting adventure into my world.

location: School mood: bored

i met this great guy from my school and we became fast friends...my other classmates were joking me about him being a 'freshman' but at the college i go to there aren't really any 'class ranks' so i don't think it really matters...but anyways...we started talking alot and started to like each other...now we go out...and we have fallen in love...its a wonderful feeling i can't stop thinking about him and i always want to be with him i love talking to him and touching him...i just love him!! i can't wait to see him...because he started school in june his classes are different than mine and cuz he has night we don't see much of each other during the week or weekends...because he has to work...but we talk every night and when we do see each other we make the best of it...anyways...yeah...i love him...forever and always!!

location: home...? mood: loved

well...i am in Virginia right now hanging at my dad's house. i've been here for a week and had nothing to do...anyways...i got to fly on a plane for the first time and loved it...i think i'm going to fly anywhere instead of trying anything else!! my favorite part was landing when it hit the runway...that was soooo much fun!! anyways...i'm flying home today and i can't wait to get home. i think next time i come to VA i'm getting a hotel room...i'm not very welcome at my dad's house anymore...cuz of some little 12 year old....i almost went crazy!! anyways...i got nothin...talk later!!

mood: pissed off

omgosh...that movie...i know i'm late...but jackass is sooooooo funny!!!! omgosh... i can't stop laughing...anyways...i got nothing...

mood: giggly

Okay...I have an issue. Why do some people think that others need lies to make them feel better about themselves? Its just not right. If I feel bad don't lie to me...because when I find out you've lied...I will feel worse. It makes me feel bad when people think I need someone to tell me something wonderful to make me feel better but it feels worse when that wonderful thing is not true.

To hurt someone you know will forgive you is the unkindest thing of all. -Robert Brault

mood: gloomy

how could someone be so obsessed with something that they can talk for hours about it? i would get so tired of listening. so who would they talk to? a shrink? don't they get tired of listening? probably do. i always thought i was a great listener but after listening to someone talk i find myself getting distracted and bored. maybe i have a short attention span...but i thought that got longer when you get older...guess i was wrong.

anyways...i just graduated from high school and my summer is going so boringly dull. i wish there was something way cool i could get into. but heck if i know whats cool around here. bored...

mood: amused music: Moulin Rouge

now i know what its like to be teething. my wisdom teeth are coming in. it hurts soo bad. why do they call them wisdom teeth anyway? do i receive wisdom for having them grow in? highly doubt that! don't feel it pulsing through me!

why is graduating high school such a big deal? it feels just like when school ends for summer. maybe it will feel different in august when everyone else is getting ready or going back to school. oh well, i'm off to more education...eventually.

mood: bored

okay...check this out...my cell phone is disconnected...how can they do that if i haven't even gotten the bill for it?? its retarded...just a little...anyways...i found this on someone's profile...its way kewl...


Cocktail


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mood: sleepy

this is what famous leader i am. isn't that cool. click to see who you are!!

mood: content